I haven't given up on RAW. I would never. I have however simultaneously started working FULL FULL time, in the process of moving from one side of town to the other one ford focus at a time AND the internet has been down at the place I'm moving from for over two weeks now, so I can't even post what I have done.
Stay tuned for a massive update and some not so elegant rings that I've made.
That being said, not having the ability to create rings on a regular basis (that aren't conceptual, found material sorts) has been driving me nuts. As I sit in my office organizing files, answering calls, writing letters and planning art shows, I can hear the sound of a flex shaft at work in the next room. It sounds a bit like "Naa-naa na-na-naaa!" The smell of wax and whirling of polishing wheels is slowly... no, quickly driving me mad. It's great and all that I'm working for someone in my field of work, but it's torture when I'm not actually doing the artistic part of it.
Life has lead me here and I am meant to learn. CSUF hardly provided me with the aptitude to market myself. By becoming a successful marketer for Avi, I will be able to take my art to the next level. Still, that negative voice lurking in my soul says "you're waisting your time. If you're not creating your getting behind. Plenty of people you're age are showing in galleries and boutiques. You're here because you're too lazy to really get out there. The more time you stay here, the farther you will become from your own work." The only thing I really know is that voice is there no matter what I'm doing, and well, I need to figgen pay rent. I just wish that I can magically transition and not actually have to pack all my belongings, taking three weeks to slowly and painfully move.
I want to make. I want to create beauty. I want to remind myself that I have something worth keeping. I need the cathartic outlet of telling my story.
Breath.
For now, I will do what I MUST. For if I do not, there will never be opportunity. I could have lived for free, lived with the madness of the situation in order to do nothing but create art. A studio built just for me, living 50ft from my work space. I was so close to everything I wanted. I could have. But that is not me, I work, I sweat, without this pressure, without this pain there is no expression. Living on my own is what I knew I needed, needed more than creating, the thing I love most.
With a sigh, a tear and a glimmer of hope I patiently wait for that precious moment when my hands are once again black with dust, clothes glimmering with silver and that wonderful satisfaction of contributing something unique to the world.
7/104 Torn Apart
(Lets see if we can make ends meet)
3 comments:
So sorry to see you leave RAW, but life does get in the way of our best laid plans sometimes. You can always jump back in - it's a personal challenge with no rules. Good luck with your big new changes.
I'm not leaving! Don't give up on me now! ;) This is a temporary situation, I'm still making a ring a week, even if it isn't the kind I'd like to be making. And I'll have to do a massive update post since I don't have internet at home.
I misread your post, so glad we're going to have you back.
Post a Comment